a drop of inspiration from everyday reality
They got in the lift.
“Are you not attending the event down the hall?”
“No, it conflicts with a meeting”
….
“Did you attend some event yesterday? you seemed nicely dressed”
Checking phone and awkwardly smiling, “Maybe I did, Maybe I didn’t… actually I had an interview after 5pm.”
“Oh! interview after 5pm, good for you. I am quiet relieved, I thought you went out on a date”
“What?”
Smiles
BLING! The lift door opens and they walk away in different directions.
Life lessons I learnt in the past couple of weeks
Met a person named Maggie today.
God! she is so strong, hard working, positive, friendly, go getter, accomplished, positive and very understanding. I don’t even want to be friends with her (also I don’t think someone like her would want to be friends with someone like me, I am so poor and pathetic compared to her, a reminder to self that if and when I become like her I will help out or be friends with losers like me), am just happy that I get to interact with someone like her. I wish I was as brave as her in some aspects. Especially the part where she excitedly told me her love/marriage story. I wish I could express my interest to people with such light hearted abandon and continue to be brave, patient and positive despite the numerous possiblities. OMG! I was also blown away by how she was extremely understanding of the various cultural differences that she faced during the course of her relationship with her Indian boyfriend. More applause to her when she moved out of the apartment without making a big deal out of it when her partner’s conservative parents visited them. I don’t even in my wildest dreams expect anyone to do that for me. But god! how incredibly sweet would that be to be loved and understood like that especially from someone who does not have a similar cultural background. Altho I think I would have done the same to someone else. Anyways, wow! I am just so happy that I met her and know that people like her exists in this world. She sure deserves all the happiness and joy of a long and happy married life. Bless her sweet soul.
So yeah, goes without saying I wish I was as brave and understanding as her. But then I remember Ryan Holiday’s words that goes along, when you wish something from someone’s life are you willing to put in the work? And frankly, no, I dont want to become an extrovert, I love this book loving quiet aspect of me. I wish I could somehow skip that part of becoming an extrovert and just get into having a cozy snug family but then I realise u cant build your own family without becoming reasonably extroverted and social. But then again, am I not social enough? What more do I do? Dear god, help us out here. It feels like we are hopeless and lost without you.
p.s: I could perhaps ask for 1:1 with her to get some mentoring, but I am happy with Brianne and Karina 1:1 already. I always love Aarthi, Sadhana,Svetha and Lakshmi in those mentoring asepcts. On that note, thank you so much god for giving me so many strong women to look upto. I am fine, I will be doing great and I promise to pay back so much more. Love you more or atleast I try to.
“I think you like me”
Smiles
“I know I like you”
“mmhmmm”
“I am pretty sure that you also know that I like you”
Smiles broader
“Clearly I know you like me”
“….”
“Altho what beats me is, why won’t you ask me out? Not knowing that is the only thing stopping me from asking you. … Also, you get shy and awkward when i try to even befriend you. seeing you shy and awkward makes me all shy and awkward, at least one of us should not be shy and awkward and say lets date”
At this point if this were a romantic comedy, the quiet one would have shut the talkative one off by a steamy kiss. But that ain’t happening with our hero and heroine coz this ain’t a romantic comedy this is the life of nerds, they are too awkward to hold hands let alone go for that dramatic steamy kiss. Our hero and heroine just smile awkwardly and walk away.
A million light years later they probably ended up asking each other out I guess, I can’t tell coz I am probably dead then.
Note from author: What is your favorite steamy kiss from any movie or series? Mine is Mutt and Alexis first kiss in Schitt’s creek.
Men are gonna come along and wanna teach you things. Doesn’t make them any smarter. In most ways, they’re not, but it makes them feel bigger. They can show you how things are done. You just let them blow by and you go on ahead, and do just what the hell you feel like. It takes a strong woman to stay by herself, in a world where people will settle for anything, just to say they have something.
He was dreaming. In his dream, he was a cheesecake. He was a cheesecake who was about to deliver a presentation to a room full of hoomans in the mountains in Scotland. (why Scotland? why is he a cheesecake you ask? how will I know? It is his dream. Dreams have no rhyme or reason as we know, so just go with it) Right before he connects to the main projector, he gets a notification on his chat app. It was his girlfriend reminding him of some little insignificant thing.
He texts back, “I always remember”
She replies, “Aww, I love you”
He texts back, “But I love you more”
She replies, “Take me on a date then”
Him: “I will”
Her: “When? where, can’t wait…”
Him: “You pick”
Her: “The Gallery Café”
Him: “Where is it?”
Her: “Colombo, of course, where else.. “
Him: “That is a million miles away from where I am”
Her: “Really? Are u in Pluto?”
Him: “Haha.. very smart. Scotland at the convention, did you forget?”
No reply…
He turns off the phone, the projector is fixed, and he is ready to go and give the presentation. Smiling from the chat, he is in a good mood and aces the talk weirdly with zero care on what the audience thought yet surprisingly engaging his audience. His talk comes to a close and leaning on the huge auditorium door is his girlfriend, waving and beaming at him with pure joy.
How did she fly all the way from Colombo to Scottish mountains you ask?
How will I know? It is his dreams
Been an avid reader of spiritual, self help books for a very long time now.
Not many of us have the time or patience to read many books at this day and age.
Took the parts that worked for me and made that into a journal.
Obviously nothing in here is original, any profit if at all made from this venture would go to the charity karam-kodupom.
Amazon link of the book
Please try your hands in this journal and let me know if it made your life better. For every purchase you make, you also get a free give away to your friend or family. All you need to do is share your email-id that you used to purchase the book and the email-id of your friend or family.
If you know of someone who cannot afford the book but can benefit from it, they also get it as a give away gift.
Reach out to me via comments in this blog post or via any of my social media platforms @csuryapandian or mail me at suryamailsyou@gmail.com
“I think there was something to me, too, that felt very very truly queer and gay about that moment because I think the character of David has a kind of gay archness, right?
Which is you know, very familiar, you know?
It is kind of campy and some of that is the result of, even though the show doesnt depic homophobia, it is a life of not seeing yourself, it is a life of being told you’ll never get true love, it is a life of not being told that your love matters.
And so, watching that, that archness break could be meaningful to any viewer because it was so beautiful, but I think for people who know that, from the inside out, there was something in watching that emotional journey, that was like “oh wow!” That’s what was so moving to me.”
– Rachel Giese
On Schitt’s Creek. An amazing sitcom, please watch if you haven’t already.
Here she talks about the moment when David finally falls in a healthy love.
But then again this need not only hold true for gay, anyone to whom love was elusive could relate to this. Myself included or Michael Scott from “The Office” for instance.
Anyways, if you haven’t already may you find love soon!
In the rare times in my life when I had to deal with assholes I used to wonder “how could they be an asshole? can they not see being decent is so much easier and joyful? how could they miss it?” I just strongly refused to see anyone as an asshole. But with time opinions change.
On assholes
“The level of evolution is not enough. It is kind of self gratifying when you are able to put somebody else down and have absolutely no repurcurssion for your action.”
– Anushka Sharma
How I deal with assholes? (These steps are tested in my own life and they work)
Said all that it is true that “If you truly understand a being it is impossible to hate them”. This is true for assholes as well. If you are fortunate and privileged to have all the time in the world, then go on. Dedicate your life to bring in decency and morality. I am not that tho, assholes are a minority. While there are plenty of decent folks my 2c is, why waste your time and energy regardless of whatever level you are wasting on, a waste is a waste.
In unavoidable situation I see my interaction with assholes as the practical application of all the spiritual books that I read.
Anyways, life feels so much at ease when you finally start seeing things as is instead of deluding yourself with a false narrative. Your decisions are better, the results are more positive. Life in general is calmingly joyful when you are grounded in reality.
Good night world!
p.s: Huge shoutout to Sadhana. I would have written many articles about her in my blog one of the most incredibly strong woman whom I am fortunate to call my friend. She rightly pointed this out when I was trying so hard to have a good rapport with an asshole because I thought that is what being a “decent” human is. When I told her what was happening she very strongly and firmly said, “Surya you dont need an asshole in any aspect of life. There is absolutely no need for you to be friend with an asshole for any reason.”
When I first left my family for studies and job over a decade ago, I didnt feel sad I was relieved to be away.
They are decent chaps. I was the asshole. Of course with me being the asshole the world knocked me out over and over and over and over again for many many years until I got close to being civil and decent.
Here I am now.
But everytime when I look back at the year before or even few years before I cannot stop but wonder at my stupidity.
So honestly I don’t know how much of stupidity and assholesness is left in me.
Anyways, for the sake of this post let us assume I am reasonably kind and decent.
Over the course of the last decade I have generally becoming more decent and loving.
Thankfully I have also been feeling loved in equal measures if not more. Recently a day or two back this happened and I don’t want to forget it.
I had some rough days at work followed by a severe throat infection where I nearly lost my voice.
Given I dont spend a lot of time with my family I did my best at work, helped at home chores and showed up at family social events but it was taxing.
And then this one day, I had a lot going on and was particularly sick, felt obligated to clock in coz i had already accepted few meetings and felt i wasnt too bad yet to take a sick leave.
That particularly grim day, I had soaked some laundry that I intended to have cleaned via the washing machine.
Usually I am meeting free but that day I wasn’t, so I went in preparing for the meetings and then into the meeting and then post meeting work etc… Given my busy day, my sweet mom came in and out giving me fruits like peeled pomegranate, fruit juice etc… I almost didn’t help her at all at kitched that day. My mum and dad had co-ordinated with auto driver to pick us up for a event where I had wanted to go to take care of certain things. I had to again rush from the event because I hadn’t taken the day off and had few other meetings. I barely had time to eat food that day. I obviously should have canceled meetings and taken leave that day.
Anyways, the point here is. When the day was all over and the village had gone asleep I remember the soaked clothes I left by the washing machine in the backyard.
Unlocked the doors, turned on the backyard light and the clothes are neatly drying up.
That was a moment of relief and I felt so loved. My mom probably did that.
Growing up watching and reading movies and books where love is through words and expressed through hugs and kisses. Often as a teen I have painfully wondered if my family ever loved me. I was also a very confused, scared teen who didn’t have the patience, kindness or could articulate clearly.
From there to this moment of feeling loved. Wow! I wouldn’t give this up for a million “I love you”s. How stupid have I been to not see this?
I wish I could be there and take care of my parents. Anytime my parents wish I am there with them I hope I am with them.
It is ironic that all through my childhood and teenage I didn’t love my parents as much as I love them now when I dont spend my everyday with them. If I could go back in time I would do more home chores and wish I were more articulate and standup for myself without causing misunderstanding and pain.
At least in the time left ahead in my life, let me have the wisdom to recognise and cherish love sooner.
p.s: Peeling pomegranates for someone is such an underated act of love. I am not alone in this opinion, please watch this
A drop 