Life lessons

Life lessons I learnt in the past couple of weeks

1. Karma is real.Whether you do something intentionally or not, if you make someone feel a certain way, you will be made to feel the same way eventually. Yes, how they feel is not in your control, having a clear/good intent helps you sleep better.
2. While energy and enthusiasm makes you run, directing that energy and enthusiasm to building a community even if it means going slow is much more enjoyable.
3. Offering love or help again and again to someone who doesnt want/need is a form of disrespect and annoyance.
4. People will call you names, disrespect you, pull you down even when you had their best interest. Read history, no one is an exception to this experience. Every respectable person went through this crap.Take a break if it is too much. Your break will be useful to you and others.
5. Remember the big picture, it stops you from being petty. Petty is pathetic.
6. Everyone regardless of their age throw tantrums, act petty; yet want to be admired and respected. Remember that. You are not an exception. Knowing this helps to be graceful and also makes it easier to forgive yourself. Humans are weird.
7. Remember people’s name. Eespecially the ones from whom you have absolutely nothing to gain. Be extra kind. Smile and ask how their day was and be of help in any shape or form.
8. You will hurt a ton of people. You will be hurt by a ton of people. No one intended for that to happen yet it happens. Try to remember the goodness, maintain boundaries, forgive yourself and others. Wipe your tears, chin up, smile, take therapy if needed and move on. There are better and more enjoyable things to do with life.
9. Stand up for yourself. Speak. Unfortunately, humans can’t mind read.
10. Hug, kiss, say I love you, help with chores, buy gifts, check on them, be supportive, encourage. As they say, if you can be anything be kind, be love, be light.
11. It’s okay. We all die in the end. Chill.

Step by step solution to deal with assholes

In the rare times in my life when I had to deal with assholes I used to wonder “how could they be an asshole? can they not see being decent is so much easier and joyful? how could they miss it?” I just strongly refused to see anyone as an asshole. But with time opinions change.

On assholes

“The level of evolution is not enough. It is kind of self gratifying when you are able to put somebody else down and have absolutely no repurcurssion for your action.”
– Anushka Sharma

How I deal with assholes? (These steps are tested in my own life and they work)

1. Recognise an asshole for an asshole. Don’t try to excuse them or try to build a narrative in your head to see them as human. It’s okay, world has all kinds of people that is how it works and you are bound to come across assholes.
2. Establish proper boundaries. You are an absolute idiot if you expect morality/respect from an asshole. Be strong, be hard set strict boundaries.
3. Have integrity. Know who you are. Be open to feedback. Be strong and hold your head high and keep doing the best you can at any given day.

Said all that it is true that “If you truly understand a being it is impossible to hate them”. This is true for assholes as well. If you are fortunate and privileged to have all the time in the world, then go on. Dedicate your life to bring in decency and morality. I am not that tho, assholes are a minority. While there are plenty of decent folks my 2c is, why waste your time and energy regardless of whatever level you are wasting on, a waste is a waste.

In unavoidable situation I see my interaction with assholes as the practical application of all the spiritual books that I read.

Anyways, life feels so much at ease when you finally start seeing things as is instead of deluding yourself with a false narrative. Your decisions are better, the results are more positive. Life in general is calmingly joyful when you are grounded in reality.

Good night world!

p.s: Huge shoutout to Sadhana. I would have written many articles about her in my blog one of the most incredibly strong woman whom I am fortunate to call my friend. She rightly pointed this out when I was trying so hard to have a good rapport with an asshole because I thought that is what being a “decent” human is. When I told her what was happening she very strongly and firmly said, “Surya you dont need an asshole in any aspect of life. There is absolutely no need for you to be friend with an asshole for any reason.”

Capitalism, love, betrayal & revival

Recently got conned by someone I had know for more than 25 years. No major loss, betrayal on some level that made my prespective on the world slightly negative. Here’s a post fixing that.

Having worked in IT, here is my simplistic understanding of the business world. The ultra supremely rich people pool their money and call themselves “Venture capitalist”. They then invest their money in ideas/people that they think would become profitable. Because they are ultra rich, they invest in many companies. Even if one among the 100 companies that they win become profitable and eventually gets public offering they will become even richer.

Taking this principle into the world of love. Should a loving and kind person stop being kind just because one of their loved one exploited their love or betrayed them? No. The more abundant the love in you, the more okay you are to the risk and the actuality of betrayal. Just like the ultra rich, they know that 99% of the investment is not going to yield profit, yet they invest because they know all that it takes is for one company to become profitable.

Similarly, let us take the learnings of betrayal and become more wise. That doesn’t mean we become grumpy and cynical. Let us always continue to love and be loved because nothing in the world comes close to love.

அன்பே சிவம்!

Rome – Horrible History – Book review

Terry Deary does his magic again. yet another engaging book on history. 
I find the love triangle of Julius Caesar, Marc Anthony and Cleo Patra fascinating to read every time I bump into it. The power, the glamour, the intellect, the courage, the pain, the betrayal… ufff the story takes us to a whirlwind of emotions. Many thousand years later, the emotions still remain, played by different people over and over again. How fascinating and wonderful is mankind? We have progressed a lot both in terms of emotion and technology. We deal with things much better. 

Horrible History is definitely a recommended read for anyone. It is interesting, it is fun.
Would be amazing if any Asian or Indian wrote an equivalent of Horrible History series for Indian history.

Many popular Western and American series are often Indianised. Like Humans of Bombay sprang from Humans of NewYork. Following the success of New Yorker’s beautiful series “Modern Love” sprang a “Modern Love” series for every state in India. Given all that, come on India, do me a “Horrible History” with an Indian twist.

Transformation

Love is transformational.

When we love someone or something. All the things that are ugly about us are forgiven or sweetly forgotten.

When we are bitter or loathe someone or something. Even the slightest of annoyance are blown up so much so that even breathing heavily could cause huge problems.

Love is transformational. But to be able to love everyone all the time, one must have god like qualities. Not sure even gods have those qualities.

Well, maybe Jesus did. But then look what happened to him. Didn’t have proper clothes, he was bruised, starved and crucified.

At least hindu gods are more human in that aspect even though at times they “look” unhumanly. Hindu gods love and rage.

We are no gods, are we? Petty little humans, that is what we are. For us, here are some things to do when not in good books with someone or something:

• Hoponopono
• list out all the great qualities of them
• list out why I choose to be friends with them in the first place
• gratitude list of the friendship
• if in person reconciliation is not possible, at the very least send prayers and good thoughts

It helps. Even if we don’t get to the state of love again, from “bitter and loathesome” I go to “ah! i see you are human too. let’s just keep distance for the benefit of both of us”

On the bright side, such problems are classic first world problems. So, yeah! throwing in some general gratitude list to remember that I have food, fresh clothes and many more helps too.

All said and done, here is a phrase from Asha Nayaswami

So, if you are genuinely with someone whose power of negativity is stronger than your power to hold your center or even more imaginary to convert them to your vibration. Run away. Run away as fast as you can, in whatever way you can. Just run away. Put distance between you. Because you can’t just allow yourself to be overwhelmed. But when it comes to you and you feel you are in a dark place if you cannot run away. Then run away inwardly. Then do not engage. Don’t converse. I am going to even add something else. Don’t pray for these people even.

I have had friends who for various reasons (such as divorce and things like that) end up entangled with someone whose energ is much more negative, than yours is positive. Then I remember in one such situation “Well!Everyday I pray for them”.

NO! DON’T PRAY FOR THEM. Don’t make a link. Just say to DIVINE MOTHER, just once. “YOUR PROBLEM, too big for me”. Humility is self-honesty. I am neither the best, nor the worst.
But what I am is, what I am. If this is too big for me, freely and happily admit it.

Don’t feel that spiritual truth demands that you prentend. You have to be absolutely authentic.

To a beautiful friendship 💕

One of my school friends and I were speaking over end of this week. He used to be an extremely shy and awkward during school days. We fell out of touch in course of time.

Many many many years later when we connected recently, he was obviously this whole new man.
He was very sweet and friendly. Seems to enjoy his work and had a loving family.

It felt heart warming to know his life story and journey. With his permission, sharing his journey here hoping that it warms or helps you in some way. It did, for me 🙂

TLDR: Meaningful connection is something that a lot of us would find comforting.
This is a no brainer, but you can’t directly get to meaninful connections without building good friendships. Like everything else in life, luck plays a part to.

Anyways, here is his beautiful journey in his own words.

So yeah, it made me happy and here I am sharing this beautiful story with you.
A warm and beautiful weekend to all of you.

Closing this with a beautiful prayer from my very favorite book “A mindful path to self awareness”

May we be healthy. May we live life with ease. May we love and be loved. May we be joyful and kind

The average guy gets a happy ending

Did you know the rhyme, “when you are happy and you know it know it, clap your hands”?
Lovely rhyme. But then we don’t always know, do we? Sometimes, we are sad for no reason. But we know we are because our heart aches. I don’t mean the figurative heart, the literal pang in the chest, that is sadness, isn’t it? I watch a sappy movie on days like that. I picked “Me before you” this time and bawled as I watched Will die.

Well well, this ain’t a sad blog post. This is an insightful post with a happy ending.

A couple of decades ago, there was a young teen. Smart, handsome and inquisitive he was. He wanted to become an astronaut. He didn’t know how. Meanwhile, a job landed on him. Remember, he didn’t find a job, the job landed on him. He explored the world, trying to get into other jobs that would take him closer to becoming an astronaut. He also modeled for fashion clothes. He had few bad relationships. Some of his friends left. You know, the typical things that happen when you break from teen into adulthood. Naturally, he didn’t excel at his job. He was never promoted, but never fired as well.

After a couple of years, when he figured some of his life, he started enjoying life. His friendships got better, he started getting better at his work. He started dating one of his good friends. Soon, he got an even better job moved to a different city, eventually married his girl friend and lived happily. Ever after, you ask me? I don’t know. The last time I checked, he was a happy grad-dad of twin boys.

All good. But he remembers this one night. The night when he left his first job. His boss offered to drive him home. Remember by the time he quit, he was a changed man. He apologised his boss for not doing his best. His boss told him that there was nothing to apologize for. He also told him that everyone goes through tricky times in course of their career and that this time, it was him.

Well, in retrospect, he was never promoted. Life was fair.

So, yeah. Story of a regular guy with a regular life. Altho, you see, Life is fair. That my little children is a happy ending. Good night munchkins :-*

Why read?

A recent problem of mine reminded me that it was so similar to problems of the past that I thought I had solved. The problem statement itself is quiet simple: Sometimes I tend to do things even though I am well aware that I would be hurt doing it. I kept wondering why? Why on earth do I do things knowing that it will hurt me? While I still haven’t gotten satisfactory answers for that question. Reading the below passage re-assured that reading and spiritual practices like meditation, yoga etc… helps you.

“The purpose of spiritual life is not to create some special state of mind. A state of mind is always temporary. The purpose is to work directly with the most primary elements of our body and our mind, to see the ways we get trapped by our fears, desires and anger, and to learn directly our capacity for freedom.”

― Jack Kornfield, A Path with Heart: A Guide Through the Perils and Promises of Spiritual Life

Someday I will be free from my own doings. I have done it once, I am nearly there 🙂

We fall, we fail

Despite best effort and doing everything that gurantees success, you can and you will fail now and then.
Which also means, the things that you think are not likely to happen and things were you think you are going to embrace failure without flaw you might succeed.

Bad things happen to “good” people. I could think of countless examples for this.
Good things happen to both “good” and “bad” people.
Well, when I think of that “bad” things happen to “bad” people too.
In a sense there is no “good” or “bad”, it is all relative.
Maybe we are not intelligent enough to know the grand big picture. Or maybe it is all random with no rhyme or reason. All that we can do to maintain peace is to trust the process(the natural flow of life) even if it doesn’t make sense to us some times, maybe most times.

I no longer believe in Karma. Have been losing faith in this over the time. That said, I still believe and will continue doing things that the society considers “good” because they give me peace not because they are good.

I will do my best and so should you, my friend.
We will do our best and live our lives to the best of our abilities, won’t we?
Love you, more power to you and remember you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Take care.
Bye!

The Good People problem

Times when life gives me situations with people that I do not wish for, being the good person that I am (sarcasm intended) I go on this journey of “understanding” them. I try my best to know then and then build a story on why they act the way the act and feel sorry for their behavior. I feel good about being the bigger person, the other person is justified for acting the way they act because of their life experiences. The situation doesn’t change much, most encounters don’t go well.

This has been the case for many many years. And then in the recent times began this journey of self love which shifts the gear off of “the other person” and directs my energy towards myself. Life has been better than before.

I also labelled people “good”, “bad”, “immature”, blah and blah. I associated with people who were labelled “good” in my world and avoided the others to the extent where I feared them knowing about my life would affect my life. Life energy that could be better used for enjoying life was instead used for running and avoiding.

This excerpts from “Change your thoughts change your life” by Dr Wayne W Dyer which explains how to break out of such cycles.