Life lessons

Life lessons I learnt in the past couple of weeks

1. Karma is real.Whether you do something intentionally or not, if you make someone feel a certain way, you will be made to feel the same way eventually. Yes, how they feel is not in your control, having a clear/good intent helps you sleep better.
2. While energy and enthusiasm makes you run, directing that energy and enthusiasm to building a community even if it means going slow is much more enjoyable.
3. Offering love or help again and again to someone who doesnt want/need is a form of disrespect and annoyance.
4. People will call you names, disrespect you, pull you down even when you had their best interest. Read history, no one is an exception to this experience. Every respectable person went through this crap.Take a break if it is too much. Your break will be useful to you and others.
5. Remember the big picture, it stops you from being petty. Petty is pathetic.
6. Everyone regardless of their age throw tantrums, act petty; yet want to be admired and respected. Remember that. You are not an exception. Knowing this helps to be graceful and also makes it easier to forgive yourself. Humans are weird.
7. Remember people’s name. Eespecially the ones from whom you have absolutely nothing to gain. Be extra kind. Smile and ask how their day was and be of help in any shape or form.
8. You will hurt a ton of people. You will be hurt by a ton of people. No one intended for that to happen yet it happens. Try to remember the goodness, maintain boundaries, forgive yourself and others. Wipe your tears, chin up, smile, take therapy if needed and move on. There are better and more enjoyable things to do with life.
9. Stand up for yourself. Speak. Unfortunately, humans can’t mind read.
10. Hug, kiss, say I love you, help with chores, buy gifts, check on them, be supportive, encourage. As they say, if you can be anything be kind, be love, be light.
11. It’s okay. We all die in the end. Chill.

Step by step solution to deal with assholes

In the rare times in my life when I had to deal with assholes I used to wonder “how could they be an asshole? can they not see being decent is so much easier and joyful? how could they miss it?” I just strongly refused to see anyone as an asshole. But with time opinions change.

On assholes

“The level of evolution is not enough. It is kind of self gratifying when you are able to put somebody else down and have absolutely no repurcurssion for your action.”
– Anushka Sharma

How I deal with assholes? (These steps are tested in my own life and they work)

1. Recognise an asshole for an asshole. Don’t try to excuse them or try to build a narrative in your head to see them as human. It’s okay, world has all kinds of people that is how it works and you are bound to come across assholes.
2. Establish proper boundaries. You are an absolute idiot if you expect morality/respect from an asshole. Be strong, be hard set strict boundaries.
3. Have integrity. Know who you are. Be open to feedback. Be strong and hold your head high and keep doing the best you can at any given day.

Said all that it is true that “If you truly understand a being it is impossible to hate them”. This is true for assholes as well. If you are fortunate and privileged to have all the time in the world, then go on. Dedicate your life to bring in decency and morality. I am not that tho, assholes are a minority. While there are plenty of decent folks my 2c is, why waste your time and energy regardless of whatever level you are wasting on, a waste is a waste.

In unavoidable situation I see my interaction with assholes as the practical application of all the spiritual books that I read.

Anyways, life feels so much at ease when you finally start seeing things as is instead of deluding yourself with a false narrative. Your decisions are better, the results are more positive. Life in general is calmingly joyful when you are grounded in reality.

Good night world!

p.s: Huge shoutout to Sadhana. I would have written many articles about her in my blog one of the most incredibly strong woman whom I am fortunate to call my friend. She rightly pointed this out when I was trying so hard to have a good rapport with an asshole because I thought that is what being a “decent” human is. When I told her what was happening she very strongly and firmly said, “Surya you dont need an asshole in any aspect of life. There is absolutely no need for you to be friend with an asshole for any reason.”

Rome – Horrible History – Book review

Terry Deary does his magic again. yet another engaging book on history. 
I find the love triangle of Julius Caesar, Marc Anthony and Cleo Patra fascinating to read every time I bump into it. The power, the glamour, the intellect, the courage, the pain, the betrayal… ufff the story takes us to a whirlwind of emotions. Many thousand years later, the emotions still remain, played by different people over and over again. How fascinating and wonderful is mankind? We have progressed a lot both in terms of emotion and technology. We deal with things much better. 

Horrible History is definitely a recommended read for anyone. It is interesting, it is fun.
Would be amazing if any Asian or Indian wrote an equivalent of Horrible History series for Indian history.

Many popular Western and American series are often Indianised. Like Humans of Bombay sprang from Humans of NewYork. Following the success of New Yorker’s beautiful series “Modern Love” sprang a “Modern Love” series for every state in India. Given all that, come on India, do me a “Horrible History” with an Indian twist.

We fall, we fail

Despite best effort and doing everything that gurantees success, you can and you will fail now and then.
Which also means, the things that you think are not likely to happen and things were you think you are going to embrace failure without flaw you might succeed.

Bad things happen to “good” people. I could think of countless examples for this.
Good things happen to both “good” and “bad” people.
Well, when I think of that “bad” things happen to “bad” people too.
In a sense there is no “good” or “bad”, it is all relative.
Maybe we are not intelligent enough to know the grand big picture. Or maybe it is all random with no rhyme or reason. All that we can do to maintain peace is to trust the process(the natural flow of life) even if it doesn’t make sense to us some times, maybe most times.

I no longer believe in Karma. Have been losing faith in this over the time. That said, I still believe and will continue doing things that the society considers “good” because they give me peace not because they are good.

I will do my best and so should you, my friend.
We will do our best and live our lives to the best of our abilities, won’t we?
Love you, more power to you and remember you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Take care.
Bye!

The Good People problem

Times when life gives me situations with people that I do not wish for, being the good person that I am (sarcasm intended) I go on this journey of “understanding” them. I try my best to know then and then build a story on why they act the way the act and feel sorry for their behavior. I feel good about being the bigger person, the other person is justified for acting the way they act because of their life experiences. The situation doesn’t change much, most encounters don’t go well.

This has been the case for many many years. And then in the recent times began this journey of self love which shifts the gear off of “the other person” and directs my energy towards myself. Life has been better than before.

I also labelled people “good”, “bad”, “immature”, blah and blah. I associated with people who were labelled “good” in my world and avoided the others to the extent where I feared them knowing about my life would affect my life. Life energy that could be better used for enjoying life was instead used for running and avoiding.

This excerpts from “Change your thoughts change your life” by Dr Wayne W Dyer which explains how to break out of such cycles.

Speak up!

I was reading a book where a woman recollects a time when her parents decided not to send her to college since they believed it was not safe for women to go out by themselves. And then I remembered a girl who was kicked out of the college where I learnt because she was seeing someone.

It is one thing to be helpless and out of control as a teen. But it is high time you start living your life the way you want to or at the very least try. Sooner or later, we are all going to die anyways. We might as well do what keeps you sane and happy in the meantime.

It is easy and effortless to get consumed in our lives lost in our hustle. But numbers don’t lie. Reading this book, which is ironically titled “Desperately seeking Shah Rukh Khan” made me realise how we are subconciously okay with not having our basic rights met. I am not even talking about women from uneducated, povertry ridden places. If women from well educated sectors have to “rebel” even for their basic rights, I wonder how many more years will it take for women from every sector to live a life that they want to.

For starters, even if we don’t gather protests and create propogandas, we should at the very least speak up. Even if our voices are feeble and breaking, let us speak and ask for what is ours. Regardless of the outcome, let us live our truth and speak our minds even if nothing changes for us; it would atleast make it easier for the generations to come.

Inspired by the women I met at Qube.
Dedicated specially to my college and school friends.

p.s: Shoutout to Shrayana, the author of “Desperately seeking Shah Rukh” who has done an incredibly good job at gently shoving numbers at our face and making us hard to ignore the sad reality.

10 things I would say to my younger self

1. Communicate. Speak up for yourself.
   If it makes you uncomfortable, then call it out.

Start this habit young, maybe from 5yr.
If you don’t like people pinching your cheeks, tell them instead of running or hiding away from them and awkwardly enduring being pinched when they are around.

It goes like this.

“Please don’t pinch my cheeks.”
“why not?”
“I am not comfortable.”

When your friend eats up all of your very favorite candies, call it out if it bothers you so much.
“Dude, I need my candy.”

YOU WILL NEED THIS SKILL TILL THE END OF YOUR LIFE.

You cannot run away. You cannot hide. You have to face the world with all kinds of people.

2. You will make many mistakes. Be kind to yourself and be open to feedback.

Nobody is perfect. Everyone has been a jerk at some point in their lives. Take criticism as feedback. When people give you feedback, introspect and make changes if and when needed.

3. Accept reality as is. Don’t see things how you want them to be.

Only when you accept reality as is, there is a chance for a change.

4. The world is a friendly place.

There is an infinite number of friendly people. You would bump into a few of them. Media magnifies tragedy don’t let it believe that the world is vile.

If in some extraordinarily unfortunate circumstance with enough evidence you come to realize that the world is vile, don’t let it make it bitter. Be the change. Be kind.

5. When it comes to choosing between peace of mind or anything else. Pick peace of mind.
6. There are very few things that you need to live a happy and content life.
7. Practise gratitude. Over and over and over again.
8. Love, start with yourself.
9. Do your best.
10. Relax

Rewatch and rewrite your life!

Well well well, turns out we remember more vividly the unpleasant aspects of our lives than the pleasant ones. So, if you are thinking that you have had a tragic childhood, teenage or tragic life in general maybe you are just being so typical.

This article from the archives of NYTimes was an interesting read.
When we think about it, our childhood was indeed joyful, teenage spiritful, adulthood smooth and old age is most likely calm and relaxing.

With that note, let us have another amazing week!

Rise and Shine, loves ❤

Red TABLE TALK and Matthew Mcconaughey

Wooohooo! Matthew McConaughey

CONFIDENCE + HARD WORK = Matthew McConaughey

Starting to read “Greenlight” all that I could see was a cocky, off-putting, confidence that was nauseating. Towards the end of the book that perception had changed. The more that I get to know the more that I seem to respect this journey.

Not just Matthew for that matter, any human being or even any living. The more that we get to know someone the less likely, we hate them.

Back to Matthew, about his childhood, it might not have been the best of scenarios. But he always portrays the best out of everything. He is stubborn to never let himself as a victim. (MASSIVE WWWOOOOWWW!!!!)

Yet another nice episode from red table talk, a show that is fast becoming one of the shows that I enjoy watching ❤

There is also this other less famous but amazing series that brings out different journeys of people from various professions which has been great. More on it soon.

Good night honey bunches!

Will

I and my mom were discussing various things during which we recollected this famous saying, “You cannot help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves.”

I have my own experience to relate to this. A few years ago, I was very sad for a long period. My friends and family through various conversations and activities tried to pull me out. But I was stuck in that phase. I took my own sweet time of 3-4 years before I pulled myself up. Without my friends and family support I might have taken few more years to get better. I not only lacked enough intelligence to recognize the wrong turn that I had taken in my life but I also did not have enough understanding about the help that was offered to me by my friends and family. After I have given my all, lost few precious things and yet was not happy did it strike me that there is no point in this. Only after that, there was actual progress. I am very grateful to everyone that stood by me even though I was slow and took a lot of time to get better.

My point here is, I know it is very true that it is impossible to help someone unless they want to be helped.

But what I did not know was that the vice versa is true as well.
“Just like how you cannot help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. You cannot sabotage or pull someone down who wants to progress.” Saying so my mom quoted the life of Sarada Devi and gave me a book on her life. I don’t think I will get into the mental space to be able to read such an intense book for another few years. But the vice versa was new to me.

I gave and still give a lot of importance to the vibe and environment. Knowing that, even in negative circumstances, we can still rise above is very empowering. I used to feel so scared and irritated when in a demotivating environment. But knowing this has changed my perspective.

Sudha Panchapakesan’s life could be a perfect example. Rising above unfortunate circumstances and doing her best. Needless to say, they are definite #couplegoals.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91MHMMelBz0

More power to everyone who is doing their best despite odds. Have a wonderful week ahead!