When I first left my family for studies and job over a decade ago, I didnt feel sad I was relieved to be away.
They are decent chaps. I was the asshole. Of course with me being the asshole the world knocked me out over and over and over and over again for many many years until I got close to being civil and decent.
Here I am now.
But everytime when I look back at the year before or even few years before I cannot stop but wonder at my stupidity.
So honestly I don’t know how much of stupidity and assholesness is left in me.
Anyways, for the sake of this post let us assume I am reasonably kind and decent.
Over the course of the last decade I have generally becoming more decent and loving.
Thankfully I have also been feeling loved in equal measures if not more. Recently a day or two back this happened and I don’t want to forget it.
I had some rough days at work followed by a severe throat infection where I nearly lost my voice.
Given I dont spend a lot of time with my family I did my best at work, helped at home chores and showed up at family social events but it was taxing.
And then this one day, I had a lot going on and was particularly sick, felt obligated to clock in coz i had already accepted few meetings and felt i wasnt too bad yet to take a sick leave.
That particularly grim day, I had soaked some laundry that I intended to have cleaned via the washing machine.
Usually I am meeting free but that day I wasn’t, so I went in preparing for the meetings and then into the meeting and then post meeting work etc… Given my busy day, my sweet mom came in and out giving me fruits like peeled pomegranate, fruit juice etc… I almost didn’t help her at all at kitched that day. My mum and dad had co-ordinated with auto driver to pick us up for a event where I had wanted to go to take care of certain things. I had to again rush from the event because I hadn’t taken the day off and had few other meetings. I barely had time to eat food that day. I obviously should have canceled meetings and taken leave that day.
Anyways, the point here is. When the day was all over and the village had gone asleep I remember the soaked clothes I left by the washing machine in the backyard.
Unlocked the doors, turned on the backyard light and the clothes are neatly drying up.
That was a moment of relief and I felt so loved. My mom probably did that.
Growing up watching and reading movies and books where love is through words and expressed through hugs and kisses. Often as a teen I have painfully wondered if my family ever loved me. I was also a very confused, scared teen who didn’t have the patience, kindness or could articulate clearly.
From there to this moment of feeling loved. Wow! I wouldn’t give this up for a million “I love you”s. How stupid have I been to not see this?
I wish I could be there and take care of my parents. Anytime my parents wish I am there with them I hope I am with them.
It is ironic that all through my childhood and teenage I didn’t love my parents as much as I love them now when I dont spend my everyday with them. If I could go back in time I would do more home chores and wish I were more articulate and standup for myself without causing misunderstanding and pain.
At least in the time left ahead in my life, let me have the wisdom to recognise and cherish love sooner.
p.s: Peeling pomegranates for someone is such an underated act of love. I am not alone in this opinion, please watch this
A drop 