Life lessons

Life lessons I learnt in the past couple of weeks

1. Karma is real.Whether you do something intentionally or not, if you make someone feel a certain way, you will be made to feel the same way eventually. Yes, how they feel is not in your control, having a clear/good intent helps you sleep better.
2. While energy and enthusiasm makes you run, directing that energy and enthusiasm to building a community even if it means going slow is much more enjoyable.
3. Offering love or help again and again to someone who doesnt want/need is a form of disrespect and annoyance.
4. People will call you names, disrespect you, pull you down even when you had their best interest. Read history, no one is an exception to this experience. Every respectable person went through this crap.Take a break if it is too much. Your break will be useful to you and others.
5. Remember the big picture, it stops you from being petty. Petty is pathetic.
6. Everyone regardless of their age throw tantrums, act petty; yet want to be admired and respected. Remember that. You are not an exception. Knowing this helps to be graceful and also makes it easier to forgive yourself. Humans are weird.
7. Remember people’s name. Eespecially the ones from whom you have absolutely nothing to gain. Be extra kind. Smile and ask how their day was and be of help in any shape or form.
8. You will hurt a ton of people. You will be hurt by a ton of people. No one intended for that to happen yet it happens. Try to remember the goodness, maintain boundaries, forgive yourself and others. Wipe your tears, chin up, smile, take therapy if needed and move on. There are better and more enjoyable things to do with life.
9. Stand up for yourself. Speak. Unfortunately, humans can’t mind read.
10. Hug, kiss, say I love you, help with chores, buy gifts, check on them, be supportive, encourage. As they say, if you can be anything be kind, be love, be light.
11. It’s okay. We all die in the end. Chill.

Wow! Maggie

Met a person named Maggie today.
God! she is so strong, hard working, positive, friendly, go getter, accomplished, positive and very understanding. I don’t even want to be friends with her (also I don’t think someone like her would want to be friends with someone like me, I am so poor and pathetic compared to her, a reminder to self that if and when I become like her I will help out or be friends with losers like me), am just happy that I get to interact with someone like her. I wish I was as brave as her in some aspects. Especially the part where she excitedly told me her love/marriage story. I wish I could express my interest to people with such light hearted abandon and continue to be brave, patient and positive despite the numerous possiblities. OMG! I was also blown away by how she was extremely understanding of the various cultural differences that she faced during the course of her relationship with her Indian boyfriend. More applause to her when she moved out of the apartment without making a big deal out of it when her partner’s conservative parents visited them. I don’t even in my wildest dreams expect anyone to do that for me. But god! how incredibly sweet would that be to be loved and understood like that especially from someone who does not have a similar cultural background. Altho I think I would have done the same to someone else. Anyways, wow! I am just so happy that I met her and know that people like her exists in this world. She sure deserves all the happiness and joy of a long and happy married life. Bless her sweet soul.

So yeah, goes without saying I wish I was as brave and understanding as her. But then I remember Ryan Holiday’s words that goes along, when you wish something from someone’s life are you willing to put in the work? And frankly, no, I dont want to become an extrovert, I love this book loving quiet aspect of me. I wish I could somehow skip that part of becoming an extrovert and just get into having a cozy snug family but then I realise u cant build your own family without becoming reasonably extroverted and social. But then again, am I not social enough? What more do I do? Dear god, help us out here. It feels like we are hopeless and lost without you.

p.s: I could perhaps ask for 1:1 with her to get some mentoring, but I am happy with Brianne and Karina 1:1 already. I always love Aarthi, Sadhana,Svetha and Lakshmi in those mentoring asepcts. On that note, thank you so much god for giving me so many strong women to look upto. I am fine, I will be doing great and I promise to pay back so much more. Love you more or atleast I try to.

Step by step solution to deal with assholes

In the rare times in my life when I had to deal with assholes I used to wonder “how could they be an asshole? can they not see being decent is so much easier and joyful? how could they miss it?” I just strongly refused to see anyone as an asshole. But with time opinions change.

On assholes

“The level of evolution is not enough. It is kind of self gratifying when you are able to put somebody else down and have absolutely no repurcurssion for your action.”
– Anushka Sharma

How I deal with assholes? (These steps are tested in my own life and they work)

1. Recognise an asshole for an asshole. Don’t try to excuse them or try to build a narrative in your head to see them as human. It’s okay, world has all kinds of people that is how it works and you are bound to come across assholes.
2. Establish proper boundaries. You are an absolute idiot if you expect morality/respect from an asshole. Be strong, be hard set strict boundaries.
3. Have integrity. Know who you are. Be open to feedback. Be strong and hold your head high and keep doing the best you can at any given day.

Said all that it is true that “If you truly understand a being it is impossible to hate them”. This is true for assholes as well. If you are fortunate and privileged to have all the time in the world, then go on. Dedicate your life to bring in decency and morality. I am not that tho, assholes are a minority. While there are plenty of decent folks my 2c is, why waste your time and energy regardless of whatever level you are wasting on, a waste is a waste.

In unavoidable situation I see my interaction with assholes as the practical application of all the spiritual books that I read.

Anyways, life feels so much at ease when you finally start seeing things as is instead of deluding yourself with a false narrative. Your decisions are better, the results are more positive. Life in general is calmingly joyful when you are grounded in reality.

Good night world!

p.s: Huge shoutout to Sadhana. I would have written many articles about her in my blog one of the most incredibly strong woman whom I am fortunate to call my friend. She rightly pointed this out when I was trying so hard to have a good rapport with an asshole because I thought that is what being a “decent” human is. When I told her what was happening she very strongly and firmly said, “Surya you dont need an asshole in any aspect of life. There is absolutely no need for you to be friend with an asshole for any reason.”

Entitlement

When you talk about it, of course its your ego, and any ego is leads to downfall..

“Everything is in God’s hands, and you are His tool to be used by Him as He pleases. Try to grasp the significance of ‘all is His’, and you will immediately feel free from all burdens. What will be the result of your surrender to Him? None will seem alien, all will be your very own, your Self.”
-Sri Anandamayi Ma

I have lost many people/things/status etc… in all aspects of life due to entitlemen big and small. It is quiet a shame because this has been the case for many years. Good news is, at least now I see it clearly.

I owe never to assume that I am better than someone else.

Failures from past: Despite Navanee being the CTO, having worked at Zoho, Freshwork etc… thought I was better because of my interest in astro physics at the time, not paying enough attention at Shoonya because I have read it all, judging people because of the “language” they code in when I myself hate it when other developers judge me for my editor, assuming “DevOps” are not as intelligent as developers because they don’t “code” and judging all DevOps as stupids until the time when ironically I myself ended up in DevOps, thinking my entire org runs on 4 API and to top it all…. the relationship disastersa are too embarassing to even admit it but I will. Topping the list was falling in love with emotionally unavailable men (who I think never even considered me as friends in the first place) and deluding myself into believing that at some magical moment they will love me too because I am an entitled prick who thought the world revolved around her whim and fancies. Thank God those got no where and died before beginning.

Ooo the main one is, I actually think I can write better than Gaiman. And I have never return a book so far, not sold a penny while he is a global icon. If you have read this blog I grant you permission to smack me in the head next time you see me. I deserve that, for all this delusion, ego/entitlement that I have been acting. I guess it ain’t going away sooner, character changes happen over a course of time. So yeah, your smack would be appreciated

Good news is, at least now I see it clearly. My sense of entitlement ruining my life since 1994

I will spend the rest of my life living conciously and surrendering to universe.🙇‍♀️

The Slumdog wanna be millionaire

All that Madhan ever wanted was to own his own home. That was his ultimate dream.

Amidst brawls of drunkards and the stench of the slum, Madhan grew up, picking fights with kids. Madhan’s father worked as a janitor at a Plaza making enough to feed them.Madhan’s mother was a drunkard and a drug addict. She could be found more often on streets lying on the pavement by the sewers than at her broken home. His father took care of his mother in the best way he could. He went looking for her, after work, at night, and carried her home. Madhan hated that. Every time he saw his father carrying his mother, he raged. He felt that it could have been better if his father could just let her rot and die.

To him, his father was nothing but a man who cleaned people’s shit, and his mother was shit personified. He despised everything about that place. He could have run away as a kid, but he knew he would not survive more than a week in the streets. He spent most of his time picking fights and tinkering at the motor repair shop making few bucks. He was good with motors and machines. If there was one thing in his life that gave him joy, it was the machines, the sound of the engine…

By the time he was a teen, he could dismantle and assemble pretty much every model of motorbike or car. He knew where to get the best spare parts for the best price in the city. He kept fixing one motor after the next and drunk to his heart’s content at night. He made sure not to end up as his mother, always knew his limit. He never visited home, not even when he heard that his mother had died. 

After many years, he saved enough money and opened his own garage. He kept tinkering, working very hard, and by the time he was 30, with the help of a bank loan he could finally buy his own home.

With just two days to sign the documents for his home, he slipped while walking and the wound never healed. The doctors said that multiple organs were bleeding internally and advised him to get admitted immediately or that he would lose his life within a day. 

Madhan decided to spend his savings and live out loud, but he did not know what to do, he had no friends. With no one to care for him during this treatment and recovery, for the first time in his life, Madhan introspected. He thought about his father, his childhood, and how he had evolved. Tears rolled down his eyes.

After a few weeks, he was discharged, he went to the garage which appeared empty and lifeless. To his surprise, his dad came to the garage within a few hours. It has been so many years since they had met. His dad confessed that despite their fallout he has always been following Madhan’s life and was extremely worried to see the locked garage. They spoke little and were mostly silent. They had years of stories to catch up.